humpty pumpty « Liberated Insanity

i could write a list of things to make you happy.
write my own book…
i'd title it with 'how to be happy'…
i'd conduct the research,
and come up with my own theories.
i'd write down things like
"write letters"
"keep a journal"
"volunteer"
and then, being the confident author that i am:
i'd draw my conclusion…
but see, i think that's where they get it wrong.
the self help books,
the christian 'follow God' books,
the Ben-Ben bullshit books…
they get it wrong, because i don't think you can be told how to be happy,
by someone who has never met you.
and never know your personal circumstance.
happiness isn't general.
indeed, you probably can't even look for happiness.
it seems that more often than not,
just as sadness does:
happiness finds us.
on the thursday's where we expect to be miserable,

or the saturday night's that we spent in, doing our homework , where we expected to be bored.
the wednesday's where we can't quite remember why wednesday used to be our favourite day… now clearly a monday.
on the monday's where we wonder why the fuck we're going to keep going until the end of the week.
the tuesday's where we're lying in bed alone, wondering in God's name, why we're praying to God, and crying alone.
on sunday's where we don't go to church. because we slept in.
and friday's, where we expect to be home in chaos, but really we end up sitting in our lounge rooms… looking at our dad's new pair of pyjamas (8 balls, with flames behind them)

see, it's on each of those days,
regardless of the volunteering, journal writing, book reading, letter writing, dieting-leading, dedicated student moments that consume your life,
that happiness is somehow (curiously enough) emitted from within us.
not something we created for our-selves
it's not found in the things we take on, or the time we spend on something, or appreciating everything,
but in just subconsciously enjoying that which is around us,
and not questioning whether or not it will make us happy.
so i won't write a book.
because i don't believe i have the education, or qualifications, or experience to do so.
but in saying that, i don't believe i ever will have those kind of qualifications
so here's to happiness,
and not being able to ever understand it…